Community Grief Center hopes to serve community’s families, children in need
"I think when it comes to a child, you're never really fully prepared," she said. "When it comes right down to it and your baby boy is taking his last breath, you're devastated."
Ware, however, had spent many years of her life preparing for Carl's death. When her first-born was a toddler, Ware noticed him stumbling at day care. At the age of 3, doctors said her boy would not live past the age of 6.
When Carl died at age 17 from a degenerative neurological disorder, she had nowhere to put her grief until one of his nurses suggested Ware go to school so she could help others. She and her family moved from their home in
"It was all I had really done my adult life was take care of this child," Ware said. "I think that that's why it was so wonderful that I was encouraged to go to school so that I had something to carry on with, to look forward to. I kind of wonder how much more devastating it would have been if I hadn't been encouraged to look out for the future."
Her job as a nurse helped her deal with her grief in another way: When her mother died weeks after she graduated from nursing school, Ware found resources to help her cope. She said those kinds of resources were sorely lacking when her son died. When she finally was able to talk with someone, it helped her heal from both losses.
Stories of unresolved grief like Ware's are common in today's society, where though normal, talking about grief makes people uncomfortable. Now there are those who want to help people who can't become hospice nurses through it.
"Despite its widespread effects, it's not something that we talk about all that openly," said
That spurred
The idea is to allow families to mourn and heal together. Children will go into age-appropriate breakout groups to discuss their losses. Parents will go into a separate group to discuss how to help their kids while also helping themselves. The existing adult support group Seitz started will also move to the new center.
Though Baker said the initial plan is to launch the children and families program, she envisions a variety of programs at the Community Grief Center. These programs could range in specialty from college students to suicide loss to mothers who lose pregnancies. For now, the center's board of directors is raising money to purchase a physical location, finish developing the program and get the center open and operational by
According to
"There's such a need to help the children immediately," she said. "We want to restore that ground underneath them so they can go on to be successful adults."
"It's like life insurance," she said. "You don't know how important it is until you need it."
Plans call for grieving children and their parents to meet for eight to 10 weeks to discuss their grief at their own pace -- a key component to healthy grieving, according to Wyperd, North Range's youth and family services director.
"There's no timeline or specific steps in handling death. It really is a journey," she said. "With support of loved ones, you can find a new normal."
In children, especially, grieving has to be handled carefully, she said.
"It's helpful to watch and listen to children, rather than jumping in with quick explanations about death," Wyperd said.
Ware said in her experiences as a hospice nurse, children were often sheltered from the death of a loved one, which made the grieving process harder. She said involving them is important, from talking about it to making plans for the memorial service.
"They need to be able to say goodbye, too," she said.
After working as a hospice nurse for eight years, Ware said one of the ways she has helped prepare people of all ages for oncoming grief is to educate them on the reality of death and dying.
"Death is not pretty," she said, warning against expecting a
Ware said she still feels pain and grief over the loss of her son, but that loss helps her empathize with families in the same way Carl's nurses helped her. And since she has been in the heart-wrenching position of watching someone she loves die, she can help people prepare for the worst in the best possible ways.
"I've taken care of some children. I've taken care of people who've lost children," she said. "To be able to say, 'I know exactly how you feel,' and really mean it and really know it does make a difference."
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